It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
