the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize