Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
