you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
