Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
