I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
