i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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