THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Houston, we have a blender
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
