So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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