WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
