I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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