i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
