dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize