sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
