hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
