the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
