im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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