Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
