well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
