I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They took my balls.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
