I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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