You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
