I cockslap morals
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
