At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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