can u get pink eye on your cock?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
