The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
