Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize