why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
