Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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