I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
