Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize