i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
