im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
