I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Blood and glitter go together right?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
