We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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