He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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