Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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