brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She told me I should be a condom model.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
