sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
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