I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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