You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
so let's talk penis.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just pee around me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize
