Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
