When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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