3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
