I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
