To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
