The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
