It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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