I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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