so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
