Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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