she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
