i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize