Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
