Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
