Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
