I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize