Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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