do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
