My room smells like vodka and shame
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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