If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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