He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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