he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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