so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
