Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
