I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
