You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
