If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
