Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
