i was rollin on her like bob the builder
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
