yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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