what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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