Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
