My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I lost the right to judge tonight
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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