It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Let's paint friendship bongs
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
