i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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