All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
