she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We are two peas in an std pod
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize