we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
These tits shall not be calmed
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
