Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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