Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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