At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize