if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
