she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
