I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
