Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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