I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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