She announced her abortion via fbk
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
