I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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