I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
