first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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