at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
