I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
whose ass print is on the piano?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Ladies don't puke and tell
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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