he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
