All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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