Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
