I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
