Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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