When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
