I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
