i already hear my dad disowning me
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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