I molested 6 butterflies tonight
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
