Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
