I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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