There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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