we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
