Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Boobs are out for the taking
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
