great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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