I like to think it a success when the cops are called
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm always down for nudity.
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