Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
