The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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