Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
