they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
