Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
