Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
